Warning Others

This isn't a subject you just start talking to other people about. If you are accused of something repulsive, even if you DID NOT and NEVER WOULD do it in your life, you become afraid of talking to others about it. THere is always a doubt in your mind that some people might actually believe you were capable of such a thing. You know your family and friends believe in you, but what about casual friends; people you don't know that well but are still willing to trust.
Trust does not come easy anymore. I never was an outgoing person like my daughter is, but now... I stand by myself waiting to pick up my daughter at parent pick up. That is where this whole ordeal started.
You are waiting for your child. You start a casual conversation with another mom because you know your kids are in the same class. Or the kids come out together and all they talk about is a playdate- "When can we have a playdate?" You think, "Why not?"
Why not indeed.
I remember my daughter's first playdate. It was at a neighbor's house. We knew the neighbors but not that well. Their daughter was a few years older. i remember thinking, "Is this ok? Is this normal?" I just left my kid with someone I know virtually NOTHING about." I also remember thinking that there should be a manual on playdates for parents. At what age do you let them? How long do you leave them? Do you stay the first time? Do I stay ALL the time? All the mom's say "Sure no problem? But still... Then you fall into the pattern. When your kid is a social being like mine, you don't have much of a choice. I didn't want her to be like me.
So she goes to other people's houses. Kids come to your house. It's easy. It's harmless. Until...
I never EVER would have thought that something like this could happen to OUR family. I look back on it and think that it all started with me. I should have said no that day. What if I hadn't done this thing or that thing, it never would have happened. On the other hand, if I hadn't done this or not done that my husband could have been put in jail!!
How do we go about warning other people? Write a book and tell our story. and the how they are trying to destroy the institution of the Family, in the same way as they are trying to destroy the Constitition and Marriage and everything that was good about AMERICA.
More later.

Urgency

I just read book called Notes Left Behind, about a family's attempt to fight their 6 year old daughter's rare form of cancer. The author, Keith Desserich, still writes notes on his blog, http://blog.notesleftbehind.com ,although Elena lost her fight with the horrible disease. He continues to write about life without Elena now and with their youngest daughter, Gracie. HIs post today was on Urgency. During the times when Elena was healthy, the family packed as much living as they could, into the time that they had because they DID NOT KNOW how much time they had.
I guess what I am trying to say is that we act differently during a crisis. We need to channel that urgency into our "regular" lives, if they actually do get back to normal. I get frustrated sometimes because everything has gone so much back to normal , that it almost seems like the 4 month hell we went through did not happen. No one apologized for our "inconvenience". Everyone at court and at CPS acted like it was just another day while the life of our family hung by a thread for 117 days. We didn't know what would happen to us. Only the Judge seemed , well not apologetic. but sympathetic at the end of the hearing but what else could he do: he gave us the happy ending we needed.
I try to make my family appreciate the time we now have together. it's not an easy thing to do because I live with a 7 year old who would rather be on a playdate with ANY of her friends than actually with mom and dad, and a husband who lives in his work. Granted , he has gotten much better, but I still think he doesn't really "treasure" what we have been given back. I guess most men don' think that way, exceptions to Mr. Desserich. But you would think after being forcibly separated from your family and home, you would do more to extract all the happiness you can with your family.
I thank God that all of our family members have our health and I pray that all the parents with children in peril, either from disease or wrongful separation receive the strength to bring their families through the dark times.

117 days.

That was how long our family was in limbo. It might not sound like that much, but when your whole life is turned upside down, it's an eternity. My husband had to live with relatives because he was falsely accused of child abuse. My daughter and I were forced to live alone. Almost 4 months: June 6, 2009 to October 1,2009., and we were one of the lucky ones. I've found stories online of people whose battles lasted YEARS.
There are lots of stories online. There are lots of stories out there. The figures out there would shock you. In PA alone, in 2007, 24,021 reports of suspected child and student abuse were received , only
4,162 reports of suspected child and student abuse were substantiated.
Approximately 20,000 families went through this in 2007 and there was not enough SUBSTANTIAL EVIDENCE to render a "verdict" of guilty in their cases.

Lawyers and law enforcement officers know never to put themselves in a situation where they could be alone with any child in their homes. Did you? We didn't.

Children across the country have playdates everyday. As a parent, you need to know the danger that puts you in.
Don't think it can't happen to you.
It can.

a call for Your stories.

If you find this blog and you have been through a similar situation with child protection services, we would like to know. This kind of FAMILY ABUSE cannot be tolerated. We need to make people aware of the dangers you could be putting your family in simply by arranging a playdate for your child.
My daughter is a very sociable child. She loves to meet new people. She actually considers it to be "her job." To have to tell her that she can only have playdates or sleepovers with people we consider to be "family" is not going to be easy for her to understand. But anyone who is familiar with these types of situations cautions the same thing: DON"T ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN;
DON"T EVEN TAKE THE CHANCE. You cannot afford it.
Now that the holiday season is over and the dead of a very cold winter is upon us, I hope to have more time to devote to this blog. If we can warn even a few people families to protect themselves, it will be worth it. I look forward to hearing from you.